#runbetsyrun

Coming Back

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:09:13 -0400

I spent some time re-reading this blog tonight. I’ve gained a lot of weight. I feel terrible. I’m about to run a half undertrained. Just in a terrible place. I signed up for a full marathon though. Things are going to turn around. And it starts with getting this up again.

Maximum Swearing

Wed, 20 Apr 2011 12:49:12 -0400

This is kind of an inappropriate post, so if certain four letter words offend you, I would stop reading now.

I have made no secret to everyone concerned with my illness that it’s been a tough road, especially since I had to discontinue my half marathon training for awhile. When I finally did get back running, I struggled and my runs were spotty. Mind you, I was trying to run with a migraine, and it was kind of amazing that I could get any runs in at all.

And then my migraine completely went away on Friday. I hadn’t told many people because I was afraid that it would come back, but as of today, I have been migraine-free for five days. I was ecstatic. I could have jumped for joy. And then I tried to run on Saturday…

I was still stuck. After several attempts at trying to get through it and saying my usual pep talk with myself multiple times (“Betsy, you’re a big girl and can do anything you put your mind to.”), I packed it in and went home. Am I proud of that? Nope. But I knew it was more of a mental problem than a physical one, which is why I immediately put the 11 miles I was supposed to complete on Saturday back on the schedule for Monday. Things were going to be different because they quite simply had to be.

I completed those 11 miles with the biggest grin on my face that I ever had. I was laughing and just having a ball. I decided to break it apart to figure out what went right on this run, so that I can duplicate it for my race. Hell, I won’t care what my time is if I can have that much fun.

1. I ran by myself. Obviously I won’t be running by myself on race day, but I think the point here was that I wasn’t concerned about anybody but me. I didn’t see a group of people that I felt like I should be able to keep up with racing off in front of me. There was just me. It let me revel in the triumphs that happened and helped me not to dwell on the fact that if things had gone right with this season, I’d be running a different race.

2. I didn’t rely on Pandora. This is kind of unfortunate, but I’m hearing this from other runners: Pandora sucks when you run. It just randomly goes out. I don’t know what causes it, but the best that I can tell is that it just hates RunKeeper. Well personally I like RunKeeper, so I’m going to have to thumb my nose at Pandora. I downloaded some of my favorite music and was guaranteed awesomeness throughout the entire run.

3. I swore a lot. At the beginning of the season, I epically told someone, “I like to say fuck and shit when I run, so I hope that doesn’t offend you.” I don’t know why, but saying random swear words aloud motivates me. I first found this out when I used to do a ballet DVD several days a week and Peter Martins became my nemesis. I started doing WAY better with that DVD when I’d get angry with him. After I started getting sick, without thinking, I started going with the traditional motivational methods. I don’t know why, but I proved that they still don’t work for me. On Monday, I let the potty mouth rip and it got me through some tough spots.

4. I didn’t care about anybody else. I broke out my air guitar, threw in some drums and hell, I even danced during my walk breaks (maybe even during some running parts too). I tried not to head bang because I found that I got too into head banging and wouldn’t pay attention to my intervals as well. I’m not sure how far I’ll go with any of this and I’m not sure what race etiquette says about any of it, but if a little air guitar makes the run manageable for me, you will see air guitar on May 7th.

My main objective has always been to have fun, but I think I’ve been too in control of what that fun can be. I don’t have to be the stereotypical runner. I can take what running is and make it more me. So here’s to more of what makes me me and here’s to the half marathon being entirely too close for comfort. I have to go throw up now.

Illness

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 13:54:49 -0400

On Tuesday, March 1st, I was sitting on my bed talking to Mike the Boyfriend as I waited for my phone to charge for my run. Suddenly, I had a sharp pain in my head. I told the Boyfriend that the run was going to have to wait and I was going to have to rest.

Today is March 27th and I’m still in pain. It’s more severe, despite a rather long list of medications I’ve been on to deal with it. I’ve been to my regular doctor, the ER and a neurologist only to receive no real diagnosis. But I did have a spinal tap that put me into even more pain.

Here’s the problem: I’m out of money. I’ve spent about a quarter of a month’s paycheck to have no answers. I’m also at my emotional limit. I had really thought I was going to the neurologist on Thursday to get answers. When I didn’t, I broke.

I had to make a choice. I had to choose if I was going to keep throwing money at this and get my hopes up for a solution or if I was going to do something else. I chose something else. It may be ill-advised, but I’m choosing to go back to my normal life and to start ignoring the pain. I will still take the medications in the hopes that they might eventually work, but I’m paying no heed to this pain otherwise.

I started this yesterday. I went out for my first run in a month. I couldn’t run as much as I would have liked. My limbs all felt so heavy, but I felt good while I was out there. I came back in to feel just as bad as before, but it gave me some hope. Perhaps soon I won’t be in pain anymore. Perhaps this time my hopes won’t get dashed.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, Right?

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 13:27:26 -0400

Life has been rough. That’s putting it mildly. February was a mess of busy and March was a mess of illness. At least with busy, I can still run, but with illness, I was stuck flat on my back. I’m going to write more about my illness in a separate post. However, I want y’all to know that I’m back posting. Betsy’s going to run and Betsy’s going to rock it.

January's Health Month

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 21:47:11 -0500

So now we enter into the obvious question: Did Health Month do anything to improve my health and my quality of life? Well, let’s go through the rules one by one and see.

1. Take a multivitamin every day - There is some debate over whether this is what made me sick. Since I have been taking it at night instead of the morning, I have been feeling better. So this is a wash as to whether it did anything.

2. No soda or energy drinks - This for sure did a lot for me. I might have given in if it hadn’t been for Health Month. I was strict and didn’t even take a sip of any soda. In fact, I didn’t even miss it. I definitely feel the better for this.

3. Drink at least 70 glasses of water per week - I went crazy on the water front this month. I peed like all the time. Despite this, I definitely feel how much better this amount of water is making me feel.

4. Exercise for at least 60 minutes 6 days a week - I did poorly at this rule. I was sick and was ordered to rest. However, I think this was a good rule for me. I am taking my exercise so much more seriously. I am adding in different things and feel like I will soon have a good mix going. This is something I’m having fun playing with.

5. Read a book for at least 60 minutes every day - I fall deeper and deeper in love with reading every day. And I love finding those spare minutes every day where I can read a bit more. Having this requirement has been super fun for me.

6. Meditate for 15 minutes at least 4 days a week - I’ve entered into a eastern/western hybrid of meditating. I do some rosary. I do some meditating. It’s been good for centering me.

7. Eat breakfast at least 6 days a week - I experimented a lot with breakfast this month and found that I really like yogurt and granola. Mega win.

8. Go to bed before 10 pm 6 days a week - I was bad with this rule. I followed it to the letter. And I used it to get out of household responsibilities. That wasn’t exactly great for my relationship.

9. No alcohol - I’m happy without alcohol. Well, except for what it’s done for my social life. I say to a friend, “Hey, let’s meet up.” And they say, “Yes, let’s go to [insert trendy establishment that only serves alcohol].” ”Um, I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” ”Why?” ”I gave up alcohol.” [Insert uncomfortable silence.] I was asked why and I was never able to produce a good enough reason for anyone. In the end, I have my reasons and I’d like to keep this going through May. We’ll see if I do it, but right now, it feels like the right decision.

10. Go on at least 1 friend date a week - I failed miserably at this. I met up with two friends the first week. And then illness and a lack of drinking got in the way. This rule was good for me because I did reach out to others as a consequence of it, but yeah, I sucked.

11. Practice guitar or violin at least 3 days a week - This was awesome. I mean, it sucked big time for anyone within hearing distance of my violin, but my God, I loved it. I’m slowly getting better and I’m enjoying every second of it.

12. Write 500 words a day at least 5 days a week - This has been a good blogging month for me. This rule probably had a lot to do with it. That and the fact that I’ve started working on a vegetarian blog. I’m enjoying talking to more people through it and exploring more of what I’m thinking about right now.

13. Stay under my recommended daily calories 6 days a week - After analyzing every morsel that went into my mouth, I was surprised at how much I was allowed to eat. But I really hated this rule. I think it leads me to eating like I did when I verged on an eating disorder. That pretty much counteracts what I’m trying to do. It makes running hard and training for a half marathon impossible. I’m happy to see this rule go.

14. Track my meals 6 days a week - I have the same feelings about this rule. See ya later gator.

15. Allow 1 cup of coffee or tea a week - I felt a major sacrifice here. I fell in love with a sandwich at Starbucks and it didn’t feel right to go there without getting a coffee. I also kind of wanted coffee after doing my long run on Saturdays, but I NEED a coffee during the week. Very contradictory. Happy to see this rule gone.

16. Cook dinner 6 days a week - I was sick and a homebody. Not an issue here at all.

I lost a significant amount of weight and can honestly say that this was a successful experiment. I’ve fine tuned the rules I kept and I’ve added some rules that I felt missing. Here I come February!

Weight training session #2

Sun, 30 Jan 2011 21:00:30 -0500

I had a lot of energy today. Like a lot a lot. Because I couldn’t run, I decided that a walk was in order. It was easy and slow. It was also four miles. That was probably stupid, but it felt good and I talked myself into the fact that it was okay.

When I got home, I faced the inevitable weight training. It wasn’t as bad as the last round, but it still wasn’t fun. I’m still feeling the results of that last round (from Thursday) and it was a struggle to even contemplate doing another one, let alone actually do it.

I easily got through the first group. It was the second that stopped me. There was an exercise that required that I hold a dumbbell in each of my hands and then step onto a platform. Well, I don’t have a platform, so I used our weight bench which was only a little bit higher than a platform would be. Oh.My.God. Pretty sure I’ll be feeling that hard until I do that same exercise again on Thursday.

Other than the one, I was able to complete all of the exercises without feeling horrible. That’s a huge step up from the last time. Looking forward to this getting easier… some day… somehow…

5 miles!

Sun, 30 Jan 2011 20:34:50 -0500

Yup, I got in 5 whole miles yesterday and it wasn’t too bad. I ran with the quicker run/walk group and we did 5 minutes running and 1 walking. I will admit joining this group was not the smoothest of transitions…

I got to the high school that we meet up at and was told to go to the gym. Once there, we were told that it was picture day. Just what I wanted to hear. Everyone wants their picture taken at 8 am on a Saturday before they’ve even showered and in running gear that next to no one looks good in. Woot!

Once we got through that, our coach outlined what the three groups inside of our group was doing and our coach then asked who was doing the faster group. I raised my hand, along with four other people. There was a shorter girl that barked at me, “We’re doing six miles,” like that’s what I had to do if I was going to do the faster group. I replied back, “That’s great. I’m doing five.” Thankfully, two of the other people confirmed that they were also doing five and so I wasn’t out of place.

When we got there, I realized that this girl was into pissing me off. There were only five of us and we pair up for running, so someone was going to be the odd man out. That would be me and anytime that it could/should have switched around, she made sure to get in front of me. So basically, I’m really hoping someone else joins our group or else I’m fated to run the rest of the season as the odd man out.

We got to the turn around point, and she barked at the 5-milers to turn around. This was particularly strange because she wasn’t even put in the pacer role for this group. Fantastic. This is what I have to run with for the rest of the season and I’m already over it.

The last half of the run was much better than the first. The other two people that are running the same race as me were very, very nice. It turns out that I’ve trained with one of them before. I suck at remembering people, which goes hand in hand with my lack of social skills. The other did a great job of pacing us and checked in with me when we were done (Still getting over being sick, so I petered out at the end). I can definitely run with these two for the rest of the season, but I’d love to drop the other girl…

New Blog!

Fri, 28 Jan 2011 20:31:52 -0500

This is kind of premature and we’re still working out some kinks, but I’m writing for new blog! It’s with my friend Heather and is focusing on vegetarian eating. I’m a veg and she’s veg-friendly. I’m beyond excited about this project and am full of ideas for what I’ll be talking about.

I’m going off any kind of calorie restrictive diets as of February 1st because, um, I’m about to be running a crapload of miles. I need energy! That means restaurants again! And reintroducing some of my favorite recipes back into my diet! And I get to write about it all!!

The name of it is Vegging Out and my very first post is here. Lemme know what you think!

Weight training

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 20:50:11 -0500

Tonight, I gave weight training another go. Verdict? I still hate it, but I’m going to keep it up anyways. It’s good for me and will only improve my running. Yup, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself.

I can exercise again!

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 21:18:38 -0500

Do you hear that?? That’s the sound of me woo hooing really, really loud.

Today, I woke up less grumpy and less sleepy. Did I still want to stay in bed? Hell yeah. But that was okay because today was my first mid-week group run. That means night running. So Betsy gets a little more sleepy time, which let’s face it, Betsy likey.

I packed up my gear and headed off for work. As stupid as it is, the hardest part of working out with the group after work is probably the fact that I have to change at work. I can’t help feeling like an ass. Running tights, in case you didn’t know, don’t hide a single thing. And God, do I wish my butt didn’t look like it does in them. Oh and did I mention the jacket? It’s bright yellow. You wouldn’t be able to miss me if you tried. So of course the elevator was packed full when I left today. Six normal people and the fluorescent crack addict that’s showing everything.

I get there a little early and everyone that showed up a little early made the same decision I did: My car was warm. Like hell you are getting me out of it and into the cold, cold air before I have to. When we finally did gather, I couldn’t help noticing that no one from my pace group except the coach showed up. Uh oh sgettios. The coach said what I feared. Despite the fact that I have been sick and haven’t been running, my first run would be a full out run. No run/walking like I was used to. Oh and she also announced that she was doing four miles. Um, I came here to run two. Crap.

As we went out, another girl said, “I don’t want to do four. I just have two to do.” Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, this girl was on my side. We agreed that we’d split off half way through and run back together. My coach let us know when we needed to do that and I was left running in the dark with another girl. It was pretty dark. This was about the time that it occurred to me that a headlamp would be nice. And a guy. A big, burly guy that can beat up people. But I don’t think big, burly guys run.

With all of these thoughts running through my head, I was running really fast for me. Like really, really fast. I put in my fastest two miles ever. So not only was it my first run back, but it also was my fastest run ever.

But what am I really happy about? I’m not going to lose any Health Month life points today. Yup, that’s how my mind works.

Doctor

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 21:12:36 -0500

I got the phone call from the doctor today. All test results are normal, so I’m just left with feeling sick and no answers. More resting and cuddling with the kitten seems like the only real cure…

Set backs & successes

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 20:57:40 -0500

I can’t workout right now, which means that I’m losing Health Month life points like crazy. And because I’m sick, I can’t really go out and meet up with a friend, so there are more life points. Argh.

So I’m having a major set back right now. There’s not much that I can do about it, but sit here and rest. My illness and the accompanying medication are making sure of that. As frustrated as I am about everything, I have had some major success as well.

I now weigh 151. That is a whole 10.5 lbs lost this month, and that means that I lost all of the weight I had set out to lose this month a whole week ahead of time. If it hadn’t been for Health Month, I probably would have gone back to unhealthy eating habits and said the hell with a lot of things. Instead, I’m meticulously tracking what I’m eating, making sure that I stay under my recommended daily calories and am doing the things I love again. Just complete win.

To boot, the book that I’m reading reminded me of a project that I’ve been wanting to do. I’m reading The Know-It-All by AJ Jacobs. It’s about a guy that takes on reading the Encyclopaedia Britannica from A to Z. Only a total nerd would think about taking on this project. I am that nerd. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to buy the books, but I can buy the DVD-ROM. I get goosebumps just thinking about this project. (Oh God, there really is something wrong with me.)

Also I really love my violin. I hate the way it sounds right now, but I love playing it. It smells good, it feels good and I just feel good playing it. Someday, maybe, it’ll sound good again, but I’m okay with it not sounding great now. It gives me something to work towards.

So I have to concentrate on all of the awesomeness that is going on in my journey this month and let the bad go. Eventually, it will all go away and I’ll be able to do everything I want again. I just have to be patient.

Downright sick

Fri, 21 Jan 2011 21:24:38 -0500

Today, I finally went to the doctor. It took a lot for me to go, and I pretty much had a panic attack on the way there.

I stupidly took a wrong turn, and it became apparent that I was going to get there right at the time of the appointment rather than the fifteen minutes before that they had requested. I felt like an ass and was scared that they weren’t going to let me see the doctor. That’s what started the attack. I’ve had a lot of horrible doctors that don’t listen to me, so getting me to actually go took a lot of small pep talks to myself. I knew if the doctor wouldn’t see me that it would be completely my fault, but I also knew I wouldn’t go back. And that I’d cry. The anxiety of what might come just overcame me.

I got there and there was no mention of my lateness. I can’t even tell you how grateful I am for that. The front desk person had me fill out paperwork and I was called in almost immediately.

For some reason, I decided that this whole appointment was Betsy Comedy Hour. Maybe to offset the anxiety? I don’t know. When I got on the scale, I made a crack about how I’m not always this fat. I also pleaded with the nurse to let me keep my three inch heeled boots on. I mean, I usually am in at least three inches, so I think that means that I am automatically granted them. No dice.

We got into the exam room and there were the usual questions about my symptoms. The nurse thought I was pretty nuts for trying to workout while this sick and said that it might be a good idea to cool it until we got to the bottom of it. Ah, if only she knew me.

She then took my temperature and blood pressure. It’s really stupid, but I’m kind of proud of my blood pressure. Unless I’m on birth control, it tends to be pretty low. I once had a gym teacher take it several times, because she thought I was too out of shape to have such low blood pressure. Yeah, not kidding about that. Anyways, I scored high again with 102/60. My heart rate wasn’t bad either, coming in at a nice 64.

And then I had to wait for the doctor. I automatically took out my phone and then the idea occurred to me: I could live tweet this whole appointment. That could be pretty psychotic and awesome at the same time. Pretty much the definition of me. As I pondered this, the doctor walked in. My phone went away. Maybe someday, but it might be too much for a first meeting.

The doctor asked about my nausea and vomiting, asked about other symptoms and then said the sentence that I hoped to never hear from a doctor: “Wow, that’s weird.” Well, yeah. No shit Sherlock. He had no problem coming out and saying that he had no clue what was going on. He was going to prescribe me a couple of things (one for heartburn and another for nausea), take some blood and see where that left us. Kind of refreshing to have that honesty, but still not what I wanted to hear.

The nurse came back in and we discussed my tiny, wiggly veins. Yes, they’re freakish. I once had a nurse give up on taking my blood. I’d never had it take less than a half hour to get a full tube. Well, until today. That nurse was awesome. She not only filled one tube in no time flat, but she got three. It was the third one that killed me. All of a sudden, I was certain I was going to vomit. Her reaction really set her head and shoulders above any nurse I’ve ever had. She got the trash can in front of me, RAN to get me water and then patted my face down with a wet paper towel until I got my color back. I really felt like I was being taken care of and since I so rarely get taken care of, I was beyond appreciative.

Test results will be back on Monday. Until then, I wait… indoors… with my blankie… and my kitten. I’m feeling ten times worse today. Hoping that doesn’t last all weekend. I miss my workout.

A sense of entitlement

Thu, 20 Jan 2011 12:49:00 -0500

Today, I weighed in at 152.8. I’m getting further and further away from that starting number of 161.5, which is amazing.

But then there’s the dark side of getting these good numbers. Yesterday, there were some cookies and juice hanging out in our office. They waved at me. I scurried away. When I walked back by them, they said, “But… but… don’t you want to be our friend?” I had to admit that I really, really did. I grabbed up the juice, picked a cookie and went to my office to munch in private.

Now, let’s be honest. I’ve been drinking water 95% of the time, so the juice was not bound to sit well. It didn’t. It was entirely too sweet and I didn’t enjoy it one bit. The cookie was marvelous though. I could have eaten a bajillion of those suckers.

In all honesty, I think it’s okay that I had this slip up. I’m human. I slip up. It’s good for my head. It was the reasoning that I used to justify the slip. ”Um, I’ve lost over eight pounds. I deserve this.” Do I? Do I really?? Yeah, not so much.

I put on nearly thirty pounds in 2010 and haven’t even lost ten of those pounds. I have done terrible things to my body and haven’t cared for it in nearly the way that it should be cared for. So because I had a little success, it’s okay to beat my body up again? No, it’s not.

I need to change my thinking a bit. It’s okay to say, “The cookie is there. I want the cookie and therefore, I will have the cookie,” but it’s never okay to say, “The cookie is there. I deserve the cookie and therefore, I will have the cookie.” I don’t ever deserve to do more harm to my body.

Ben Does Life.: A view from the sidelines.

Wed, 19 Jan 2011 19:56:23 -0500

Ben Does Life.: A view from the sidelines.:

This is how I feel every time I’ve been too sick to workout in the last few weeks. Really hoping that Friday’s appointment sheds some light on what’s going on.

bendoeslife:

I sit here in my familiar restaurant, in front of my familiar bowl of soup. With my familiar (and spectacular) waitresses who keep my drink refilled. My pen lies on my notebook and my fingers rest on the keyboard.

And as I sit, I peer over my computer, beyond the blog, beyond Facebook, beyond my…

Doctor's appointment

Wed, 19 Jan 2011 12:53:57 -0500

It’s scheduled for 11:30 am on Friday with a new doctor. I’m hoping to get to the bottom of this mystery illness that is plaguing me lately…

Being Selfish

Wed, 19 Jan 2011 12:52:42 -0500

Selfishness is a trait that I need to develop more. I hate disappointing others. I hate not delivering more than they expect. I am loyal to a fault and it’s really killing me in every part of my life.

It’s not that I really care what other’s think. I don’t. My social awkwardness doesn’t allow for that or else I would be way more upset with how I come off on most days. It’s that when I make a promise to someone, I really, really mean it, and I think my definition of a promise is different from most.

Take, for example, Cesare the Super Kitten. When I got him, he was only a few months old. When I got him home, I made a promise to him that I would love him and care for him the best that I possibly could for the rest of his life. I interpreted my promise strongly. Despite an active dating life, I made sure that I was home every night so that he would never have to be alone. I didn’t take trips like I used to. I sacrificed things that I would like to have done to be there with him.

That last paragraph probably sounds irrational, but that’s how I live my life. I put my wants and needs aside in order to fulfill what I think needs to be done in response to my promises, and I regularly go overboard. I need to stop.

I need to start making a list of what my real needs are and devise plans on how to fulfill them. I need to start putting myself first. I need to break some promises and make fewer in the future. I need to say things like, “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that right now, because I have to get some exercise in.” Or that I have to read or I have to see a friend. Whatever it is, it has to be more for me.

But alas, I fear this will be a mighty uphill battle…

What 5 miles means to me

Tue, 18 Jan 2011 21:03:04 -0500

It’s Tuesday and I have yet to tell you guys about my run on Saturday. My only excuse is that I was still sorting out what I felt about it.

My group (all 600 of us) meet up in a high school thirty minutes away from my house, so it’s always an early Saturday morning for me. I was the most apprehensive about this run because I just wasn’t happy with my four mile run. I’m still not 100% and I don’t know when I’ll be back to 100%. So when my coach announced that we were divided into three groups (fast 4 min running/1 min walking, medium 4 min running/1 min walking, slow 3 min running/1 min walking), I was tempted to run with the slow group. That was me using my negativity against myself, so I picked the medium group.

We started off and breaking what is traditionally done in that group, I put in my headphones. Yes, I should want to chat with others. Yes, I should try to become more social, but I need to be real about this. When I run the actual race, I plan on having my headphones in and if possible, to use RunKeeper to live track it. If I don’t keep to that plan during my long runs, it’s not going to work as well for me when I do the race. So headphones went in for me and I got my 80s music and RunKeeper prompts.

I realized quickly that I was feeling good, but I was still cautious. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and keeping my breathing calm. And then I heard some mumbling. I realized too late that the person next to me was talking to me. Well, there’s another person that has discovered just how socially awkward I am.

Our group was kept tightly together and then we had to go into a single file because we were actually PASSING people. I didn’t really concentrate on that fact until I realized who we were passing: It was the first pace group I had joined, the 13:00 pace group. Yes, we’d slow down during the walk and they’d pass us, but we kept making more and more gains on them during the run portion. We ended up getting to the first water stop at virtually the same time. Of course, we had to stop there for a bit, so we wouldn’t be on top of each other for the entire run, but it confirmed to me that I chose the better option by connecting with the run/walk group.

When we got to the halfway point, I realized I still had way more energy than I thought I would. We turned around and I ended up maneuvering myself to the front. This was probably a mistake. I put my head down and concentrated on myself again. I talked to my coach a bit and she said something about how I should probably run with the fast run/walk group next week. This gave me a boost and I concentrated doubly on the run. After a few minutes, I looked around and realized that I was by myself. I didn’t know what to do. Do I slow down or do I just keep on going?

I kept going. I could meet back up with them at the second water stop. The first thing my coach said to me was, “You are running really fast.” I was but I still felt good. I had decided to keep with my group, but once again, as soon as I put my head down and went, I was out in front of them. Towards the end the energy fizzled and I had to slow down to a walk for more of it than I would have liked. Still, I think this was the strongest run that I’ve put together yet.

What does this mean to me? It means that I can in fact do this. It means that I can probably do even better once I’m back up to full strength. It means that I’m moving closer to my goal of doing a complete run that will put me into the 12:30 group (heck, maybe even the 12:00 group). It means that I honestly can conquer anything I set my mind to.

In that spirit, I will share my real goal here. I want to run the half marathon in 2 hours and 30 minutes. I had been quiet about it because I had talked myself out of that being a possibility in my very first half marathon. I think it is though. I also want to get to a sub-30 5k this year. I don’t think that will be a goal I will hit before the last half of the year, but a girl can hope.

Last but not least, my next 5k will be February 27th and will be the Last Chance for Boston race. The goal will be the same as my previous goal: I want to get below 36. I don’t care if it’s 35:59. It just has to be below 36 to get a PR. Since this is a flat course, I feel good about this happening. Wish me luck!

Rewards

Sun, 16 Jan 2011 22:32:11 -0500

It took me a couple of weeks to get my reward for last month’s Health Month, but yesterday, I finally got my butt out and got a new pair of shoes. I gotta say, I had trouble with this.

To say that I love shoes would be an understatement. I have a collection that makes me smile when I think about them. There is something so empowering and awesome about a fantastic pair of heels. And then boots… A great pair of boots brings me back to my ska kid days when I used to have pink hair. I loved those days. Every pair of shoes I own evokes an emotion. If they don’t, I have no use for them.

Before going shopping, I had settled on boots. I have been having ankle issues due to running and my black boots weren’t working well because of that. Plus they kind of always felt like sorry replacements for the beautiful black boots that I used to have (they broke). My brown boots, on the other hand, I have had for over 10 years. They still look great and I love them, but they were just very much out of fashion. Not that that really stops me, but I thought it might be a good idea to get a modern pair of brown boots. So my mission was set: brown or black boots.

Within a minute of walking into the store, I found the perfect black boots. Not much of a heel and they had a strappy feeling to them that I so love. I immediately took a picture of them and sent it out on foursquare thinking that these were surely coming home with me. I tried them on and realized the problem that I was going to have with most of the boots I tried on: All of the exercise I’ve been doing has built up my calves. I’m pretty sure I could crush just about anyone in a calf fight, they’re so powerful.

After several four letter words, I decided that it might be better to look at the booties. I found a pair that was like a quarter of their original price and picked them up. The problem was that they weren’t all that special. Yes, they were less offensive than most booties are to me, but I would have picked them up any day because of that price. So the search went on.

I circled that store for like a half hour. I realized that I really wanted the taller boots and that nothing else would do. I tried on more and still nothing was fitting right. And then I spied them. I didn’t dare go near them, because they weren’t anywhere close to anything I had worn before and I couldn’t picture what outfits they would go with. But then after so many disappointments, I had to try them on. The laces made them easily fit around my crushing calves and I just felt good in them. Yes folks, I had to give these lonely boots a happy home.

This little experience made me think about the reward I picked for January. I will be buying a new outfit if I make it through this month. Despite my absolute love of shoe shopping, I hate clothes shopping. When I started gaining weight, I had to go on the most embarrassing shopping trip of my life. My fat jeans were too small and I had to buy a new pair. While out looking, my boyfriend made the mistake of mentioning that I might want to get some new shirts too, as my shirts were now showing rolls. Those poor, poor salesgirls. It turns out a mixture of tears and anger really scares people. I have refused to go clothes shopping ever since.

So why is it my reward? Because if I complete these rules this month, I will have made significant steps towards conquering my depression and my out of control weight. I can say that getting back to myself is actually changing me as a person. I’m stronger both physically and emotionally already. I think it’s only fair that I recognize this change and dress the part. Although, for the sake of salesgirls everywhere, I’ll probably be shopping online…

My jacket’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Sat, 15 Jan 2011 18:55:38 -0500

My jacket’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.